Wow, the reaction to my first column here at Skedoozy has been
nothing short of amazing. I got some great feedback from you guys
out there. I'll be sharing that with you in a little section I
call "Who the fuck are you?". Also today, I add a new
weekly feature to the column called "Usless Interviews With
Chris P.". I think the name says it all.
So what I've decided to talk about today are Car Commercials.
Well, one car commercial in particular. I'm sure you've seen it.
Two men stand in their yards, Guy #1 asks the Guy#2 if he and
his wife are into "swapping". Guy #2 smiles and looks
at Guy #1's wife who is on the porch. She is, of course, a hottie.
Guy #2 says, Yeah, are you guys into that? Now Guy #1 says Yes..
Now lets pause here for one second. What they want you to think
is that these two men are talking about swapping wives for sex.
There are no two ifs about it. This is what you are to think.
Now back to the commerical.
#1 now tells him that the kids are into it too. Grabs Guy #2's
keys, he nads his is keys to him and he calls the wife and kids
over to take the guys car out for a drive.
OHHH he meant CAR SWAPPING. But they wanted you too think that
he meant WIFE SWAPPING for a little you fuck mine and I'll fuck
yours action. And not only that, they made you think that the
CHILDREN were involved with this too. So we are breaking. what,
3 or 4 commandments here just to sell a fucking car?
Now I am not a prude. I think the commercial is fine, I don't
think it's particularly funny, or witty, but it's just a commercial.
I have no morals so I don't care. But what I don't understand
is how the fuck this commercial got on the air. And now that it
is on the air how in the world has it gotten by every Christian
Coalition Conservatism Council that exists in the world today.
don't see how a mother of two, church going, straight laced female
who sits down to watch TV with her kids can sit through this commercial
without calling every TV station within calling distance to complain
about it. In a day and age where almost everything even slightly
offensive is protested and banned, this commercial airs every
night during prime time and not one fucking word is said? A commercial
that makes you think thatthese to guys are into WIFE SWAPPING
FOR SEX AND THAT THE CHILDREN ALSO LIKE TO SWAP FOR FUCKING. Yet
Billy Bob in ARKANSAS shoots his TV cuz a real lookin bug done
crawled on it and hey you shoot roaches where you live don't you?
That commercial is taken off the air within weeks for fear of
people killin thier TV's.
we don't care that kids are watching this CAR commercial and then
turning to thier parents and asking "Mommy, what's wife swapping?",
"Well, Sissy. Wife swapping is where daddy gives me to someone
elses daddy so that he can fuck me for a night while he fucks
that mommy.", "Oh, cool. Can me and brother join?".
The craziest thing is that the real blame, when you break it
down, lays in the Middle East. The Middle East and Bill Gates.
No matter what happens in the world, if it's bad, you can blame
it on the Middle East and Bill Gates. WindowsOBL anyone?
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
- The Inbox
This first email comes to us from James
And who the fuck are you? Do you have any idea who the fuck
I am? No, I
didn't fucking think so. So why the fuck did you email me? Lose
fucking email, or I will be FORCED to hunt you down
Thank you and take care.
Thanks for writing, James. To answer your questions. I am no
one to be trifled with. I know who the fuck you are, Morpheus.
I emailed you because you wanted to know about my column, even
if you didn't know you wanted to. I tried losing the email but
no matter what I did I still remembered where I left it.
USELESS INTERVIEWS WITH
This weeks useless interview comes
to us with the help of The Crazy Spick. Thank you, Crazy Spick,
wherever you are.
SkedoozysChrisP: Hello, Crazy
Spick!! My name is Chris, I write a column for a website
and I don't feel like writing it so can I talk to you and print
TheCrazySpick: i guess
TheCrazySpick: wat website
SkedoozysChrisP: it's called Skedoozy.com
I'm not sure what they do there other then
print my articles. That's all I look at.
SkedoozysChrisP: I found you by looking
up people who are interested in "Hispanic".
How are you interested in "Hispanic"?
TheCrazySpick: cuz they look damn good
TheCrazySpick: and im also hispanic
SkedoozysChrisP: Which "Hispanic"s
look damn good? Like Jennifer Lopez?
TheCrazySpick: shes puerto rican just like me
SkedoozysChrisP: Do you live in the Puerto
TheCrazySpick: i wish
TheCrazySpick: no i live in the us
SkedoozysChrisP: Is there gold in Puerto
TheCrazySpick: um yeah i think hispanics and gold they go together
butter and jelly
SkedoozysChrisP: Was Gerrardo from Puertooo
SkedoozysChrisP: Ya know he had that song.. Rico Suave...
TheCrazySpick: that gay rico suave guy
TheCrazySpick: i thought he was mexican
TheCrazySpick: he looked dirty with that jerry curl
SkedoozysChrisP: Was he gay? He was in Colors,
with Robert Duval and Sean Penn. I
think Damon Wayans fucked a stuffed bunny rabbit in that movie.
If were gonna point the gay finger at anyone.....
TheCrazySpick: ahahaha true true
TheCrazySpick: but ijust dont dig those tite pants he had
TheCrazySpick: tite pants arent cool cuts circulation off to the
SkedoozysChrisP: I'm sure he did a lot of
digging in them
TheCrazySpick: ahaha maybe so
SkedoozysChrisP: Speaking of cool cuts,
what's the preferred "Hispanic" hair cut these
TheCrazySpick: well um mine
TheCrazySpick: it used to be the old drawn out slick rick hairstyle
TheCrazySpick: now its more of the spikey messed up i know i look
SkedoozysChrisP: Oh man, speaking of Slick
Rick, whatever happened to Too Short?
SkedoozysChrisP: Life is Too Short, would
SkedoozysChrisP: While you're living your life don't mess with
TheCrazySpick: yeah well life is only good in the 20's
TheCrazySpick: after u get older
TheCrazySpick: no point of livin
SkedoozysChrisP: I can't do the Charleston
so I'd never last in the 20's.
TheCrazySpick: hell no i love livin now
TheCrazySpick: shoot in the 20's girls couldnt wear skirts above
TheCrazySpick: now girls can walk around ass naked and no one
SkedoozysChrisP: Speaking of livin now,
where does the word "Hispanic" come from?
SkedoozysChrisP: I would say something.
TheCrazySpick: i have no idea maybe some old dude made it up i
call myself latino
SkedoozysChrisP: I was just breaking down
the word.. Hispanic.. His panic. do you think
it was some white guy who was afraid to go on the west side?
TheCrazySpick: ahahah i dont doubt that wrong
SkedoozysChrisP: why do so many "Hispanic"
families have children named Chui? But
none of them are really named Chui, they just call them that?
TheCrazySpick: hell if i know i dont have anyone in my familia
named or called that
TheCrazySpick: i think only illegal aliens do that
TheCrazySpick: so ins dont get them
SkedoozysChrisP: That explains Star Wars
and the relationship between Han Solo and
Chewbacca so well.
TheCrazySpick: well hans was into bestiality
SkedoozysChrisP: You seem to like the"Chicas",
what makes them different from the
TheCrazySpick: they take baths
SkedoozysChrisP: White girls don't baths?
TheCrazySpick: the ones i see
SkedoozysChrisP: And smell?
TheCrazySpick: the ones at miami and stuff thats diff
TheCrazySpick: this white i knew used to always sweat under her
SkedoozysChrisP: Miami? The Rock is from
TheCrazySpick: he is?
TheCrazySpick: he has a pansy name
TheCrazySpick: dwayne johnson
SkedoozysChrisP: All night on the beach till the break of dawn..
TheCrazySpick: welcome to miami
TheCrazySpick: whew the girls on that video were hot
TheCrazySpick: perfect tans nice accents the works
SkedoozysChrisP: What television shows are
tops with "Hispanic"s these days?
TheCrazySpick: que locos is one funny ass show id have to say
SkedoozysChrisP: Did you notice there were
no "Hispanics" in Lord Of The Rings?
What's up with that? You know some of those Hobbits had a Low
TheCrazySpick: well cuz everyone was gettin killed in the lord
of the rings and we
hispanics no better to run our asses off then die
SkedoozysChrisP: Plus it was a gold ring,
gold rims.. now that's a different story...
SkedoozysChrisP: You'd take on some RIMWraiths
for 4 14k Daytons, right?
SkedoozysChrisP: What's the music scene
TheCrazySpick: where at?
TheCrazySpick: fast pacin music
SkedoozysChrisP: Do you think Tommy Davidson
has hit rock bottom now that he is in
Pizza Hut commercials?
TheCrazySpick: hell yeah!
TheCrazySpick: no i tink carrot top has
TheCrazySpick: for those whack ass call att commercials
SkedoozysChrisP: You have to be on top to
hit the bottom
TheCrazySpick: true dat
SkedoozysChrisP: Do you think that Jim Carrey
should help a brother out?
TheCrazySpick: i think jim carrey
should make some better damn movies
SkedoozysChrisP: What's been wrong with
the last few Jim Carrey movies?
TheCrazySpick: they been all serious and stupid
TheCrazySpick: hes a COMEDY actor
TheCrazySpick: people need to know thats what he is
TheCrazySpick: and thats all hes good at
SkedoozysChrisP: Right. So he should do
some more Booty humor
TheCrazySpick: the dumber the better
SkedoozysChrisP: Why did Mewes get arrested?
TheCrazySpick: who? i dont watch the news unless my cousin wants
me to know if
the cops are on his tail
SkedoozysChrisP: Oh, nevermind. Do you think
if the Friends on Friends had a "Hispanic"
friend that they would all get laid more?
TheCrazySpick: they would have some of the latin charm rub off
SkedoozysChrisP: Are you an Oakland Raiders
SkedoozysChrisP: Dallas Cowboys?
TheCrazySpick: no they lost all their good players
SkedoozysChrisP: Right, screw them. Do you
think KFC should offer Popcorn Chicken
ALL the time, and not just for a limited time?
TheCrazySpick: hell yeah
TheCrazySpick: thats GOOD
TheCrazySpick: i could grub on that all day
TheCrazySpick: the colonel is holdin back that fat bitch
SkedoozysChrisP: Is it "Homes"
SkedoozysChrisP: So it has nothing to do
SkedoozysChrisP: Sir Author Conan Doyle
will never be cool in da hood, it's official.
TheCrazySpick: well if he gets pussy he will
SkedoozysChrisP: Do the beans REALLY taste
better fried thrice?
TheCrazySpick: hell if i know i dont even know y they call them
SkedoozysChrisP: Chilitios. What's up with
TheCrazySpick: i unno whast up wit it givin me gas
SkedoozysChrisP: I hear in Mexico that Chillito is slang for.....
TheCrazySpick: well go ask a mexican
SkedoozysChrisP: I can't.
TheCrazySpick: i refer to mine as a dick
SkedoozysChrisP: Do you watch Sci-Fi shows?
TheCrazySpick: um not really dont have the sci fi channel
SkedoozysChrisP: So you don't watch Star
TheCrazySpick: HELL NO thats the most borin show ever made
TheCrazySpick: all they do is float around dont they ever go back
TheCrazySpick: and bang some women
TheCrazySpick: id die of blue balls
SkedoozysChrisP: The Andorians have Blue
Balls. It doesn't seem fatal.
TheCrazySpick: and the vulcans have red balls
TheCrazySpick: so its all balancd
SkedoozysChrisP: Vulcans have Red Balls?
Did you read the Star Trek Testicular
TheCrazySpick: yeah! it was at a garage sale
TheCrazySpick: very rare
SkedoozysChrisP: What do you do for a living?
TheCrazySpick: porn star
SkedoozysChrisP: Speaking of porn, do you
TheCrazySpick: yeah a bit
TheCrazySpick: how the hell
did u get porn from videogames?
SkedoozysChrisP: If I knew the
answer to that I'd be a millionaire.
SkedoozysChrisP: Ever play that there uhm
Pacman? Talk about hard. Little yellow
TheCrazySpick: that shit was whack and cheaply made
TheCrazySpick: but for some reason it was extremely addictive
SkedoozysChrisP: Mrs. Pac-man was a whore.
TheCrazySpick: she looked like a man
TheCrazySpick: in fact i think she was a man
TheCrazySpick: she was pac man wearin a bow
TheCrazySpick: that transvestite
SkedoozysChrisP: Pac was a cross dresser,
yo. Hey, have you seen the new Caramel
TheCrazySpick: no i don tink
SkedoozysChrisP: sometimes, I tink, but
I try not to. It makes me go all soft and limp.
TheCrazySpick: uh i dont wanna think about u all soft and limp
SkedoozysChrisP: Is the coolest Star Wars
related porn word ever, Naboobies?
TheCrazySpick: ahaha sounds pretty cool to me
SkedoozysChrisP: I have another question
that's been buggin me all day.
SkedoozysChrisP: Will there really be flying cars in 2015?
TheCrazySpick: cuz of osama bin laden
TheCrazySpick: all our efforts are goin into killin that one lil
SkedoozysChrisP: Plus, how easy would it
be to drive your Pinto into a building?
TheCrazySpick: dont hate on my pinto its a classic
TheCrazySpick: but floatin cars would mean no wheels then no rims
TheCrazySpick: very bad
SkedoozysChrisP: If you drove your Pinto
into a building then the Terrorists have won.
TheCrazySpick: yeah exactly
SkedoozysChrisP: Are you interested in the
Book Of Mormon?