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I was asked to write a some what regular column for this site by the webmaster Hesuggested we call it the Wisdom of Christopher Patrick. A.) Because my name is Christopher Patrick. And B.) Because he seems to think I have wisdom. I agreed todo it as long as wisdom was spelled wrong. Call it keeping my ego in check, call it wanting people to think I am stupid, call it what you will. But the real reason is so I don't get email's from a the tens of people who read this site telling me how stupid I am for thinking I am so smart. Which I don't. Some other people do, and it is for that reason I agreed to do this column. So I can prove to them just how wrong they are.

So, what will this column be about?

I thought you would never ask. And I know you didn't but I am going to tell you anyway. It's all about me. That's right. Me. You don't know me, and you probably don't care to know me, but I don't care. All I care about is spreading my truly worthless message to as many people as I can.

And what is that message?

Yeah, I know you didn't ask that either. My message is the message of peace, love, understanding, and how I am fed up with all those things.

Now understand that from time to time I may actually sound like I am preaching peace and love and understanding, but I assure you this is probably not the case. If you look deeper you will usually find a message about how I should be rich, orfamous, or how rich and famous people should die. Not particularly HOW they should die, that's just the icing on the boob. But that they should just die. Not all of them, just the ones I want to.

So if the column is about you then why don't you tell us something about yourself?

Fine I will, but seriously I am getting tired of all the damn questions. This is my column damnit, not yours!

I was born Christopher Ereck Patrick. It was 1979, the year of the Cockroach. My parents thought it would be funny if I had three first names. Ha, good one pops. I was born in Arvada, a suburb of Denver. A small town in it's own right but part of a major metropolis. Colorado is an all right place to live. If you like cold weather and skiing. Which I do not like either of. My parents on the other hand love it. Mom was a professional skier and my dad a Ski Instructor. It's tough growing up on the slopes when all you want is for all the snow to melt so you can light a match and burn the mountain down.

As for what I do now, I ride bikes. Mountain Bikes. I'm the CO-owner of the thirdlargest Mountain Bike store in the Denver area. And trust me, their are a lot of Mountain Bike shops in this part of the country. In my free time I like to surf theweb, read books, watch movies and play Bass Guitar in a band that sucks so bad that if we were made of cheese rats wouldn't nibble on our asses to save our lives.

So that's about it for me. If you want to know anymore about me you can always e-mail me at the lovely address they have set up for me here. cp@skedoozy.com

In my next column I will start to spread my gooey wizdumb amongst you. Tell your friends I'm coming, and be prepared for what lays ahead. There may be mounds to climb and crevasses to slip through. But when all is said and done I hope to leave you satisfied.

Strangely enough I feel horny now. See you next time.

 

-CP-

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Christopher Patrick is a contributor to Skedoozy.com and raises sheep in his bedroom.

 

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